It's been almost a month since my last post. Probly not a good thing. It's not good to go too long without writing, without expressing myself a little. Doesn't mean that it's necessary to post good thoughts or bad thoughts. It's just good to put thoughts down every once in a while.
A few things to report for the last while. Graduated. Kind of a big step. Finished my college tour with a BS in BS (otherwise known as English Education), an AS in Computer Information Systems, a Religion minor, a Leadership Certificate, Honors student, and Cum Laude. Needless to say, I think I spent my 5 1/2 years well. More recently, life's had its ups and downs. Nothing too horrible. The weekend's been good. Just today I got two different kinds of homemade pie and found out that some paperwork is in process. Also got to hang out with some friends for half the day. Watched a movie, ate some pasta, played some games, and had odd/philosophic conversations - not necessarily in that order.
Still a few things that are up in the air, though. Looking for a job, need to figure out housing soon, wanna make myself a set of Mandalorian armor... Life's tough. Big decisions to make. But I'll get to those... when I get to them. Soon. Until then... =)
Monday, May 16, 2011
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Pissed
Ugh. Now I'm kinda pissed. I just want to put the world on Stop. I want to lose the self-control. I just want to break things. Why do I never get to break things?
May 1, 2:05 a.m. - Update: Still pissed. Same reason. Same frustration. No solution in sight. I really just want to get away from everything and everyone.
May 1, 2:05 a.m. - Update: Still pissed. Same reason. Same frustration. No solution in sight. I really just want to get away from everything and everyone.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Maybe...
A friend of mine recently posted a YouTube video. A lot of vids have been popping up of late. This one, however, caught my eye. It's something that I'd seen before. Something that I appreciated. Something that spoke to me. Take a few minutes to watch it.
It's one thing to think you're good. It's another to assume that everyone else should know that as fact. But when the man who is lauded as the king of the game speaks, you should stop and listen. I like what Michael has to say. He doesn't emphasize natural ability. His emphasis is on hard work, dedication, and love of what you do. That's what made him great. That's what made people love him.
I could probably say the same thing about Gretzky and hockey. Didn't see Gretzky getting in a lot of fights on the ice. Again, it was his hard work, his dedication, and his love of the game that made people recognize him as the best in the game.
Maybe... we should all think about what we aspire to. Maybe... we should all be concerned more with hard work, dedication, and love of what we do, instead of our ability. And maybe... we can reach the top.
It's one thing to think you're good. It's another to assume that everyone else should know that as fact. But when the man who is lauded as the king of the game speaks, you should stop and listen. I like what Michael has to say. He doesn't emphasize natural ability. His emphasis is on hard work, dedication, and love of what you do. That's what made him great. That's what made people love him.
I could probably say the same thing about Gretzky and hockey. Didn't see Gretzky getting in a lot of fights on the ice. Again, it was his hard work, his dedication, and his love of the game that made people recognize him as the best in the game.
Maybe... we should all think about what we aspire to. Maybe... we should all be concerned more with hard work, dedication, and love of what we do, instead of our ability. And maybe... we can reach the top.
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Life was supposed to be
Life was supposed to be more
More than unconscious mornings,
Sleepy afternoons,
Semi-functional evenings,
And late nights
Life was supposed to be full
Full of student papers and red ink,
A whistling tea kettle,
A purring cat,
And the bliss of two rings.
Life was supposed to be loaded
Loaded with stomach-wrenching chuckles,
Hugs from madly marvelous maidens,
Warm summer smiles,
And peace
Life was supposed to be forty-two
Alas, life is a question
And I don't know what it is
More than unconscious mornings,
Sleepy afternoons,
Semi-functional evenings,
And late nights
Life was supposed to be full
Full of student papers and red ink,
A whistling tea kettle,
A purring cat,
And the bliss of two rings.
Life was supposed to be loaded
Loaded with stomach-wrenching chuckles,
Hugs from madly marvelous maidens,
Warm summer smiles,
And peace
Life was supposed to be forty-two
Alas, life is a question
And I don't know what it is
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Balanced Meditation
I've felt a need to meditate recently. Not meditation as most people would think of it--chants, burning incense, the lotus position, and a deep-seated belief that the Force flows through all things. When I say meditation, I mean quiet time where I think about what matters and I try to center myself. The phrase "center myself" probably isn't very clear to you, but I'm not sure how to explain it. I just know when something is unbalanced in my mind and I need to fix it. But it's not easy for me to meditate because I usually like to be outdoors and moving when I meditate. I come from mountainous, heavily forested country. I used to grab my headphones, crank up the volume, throw on my shoes, and go climb a mountain. That's meditation. I once said that I think best in the shower. Something about the water: movement, steam, miniscule and multiple rapid hits to the head... But I also think really well when I meditate. From time to time, I still grab my headphones and go around Holmes. It's not mountains and forest, but it's the closest I'll find within a short distance.
Lately, I've felt unbalanced. It's largely due, I suspect, to the fact that I have no regular routine right now. In other words, I've got no job and I'm going a little nuts. I've been meaning to go for a walk for a couple of days now but I never did. But sometimes God decides to pick up the slack where we've left off. I got in my car today to drive to my lunch appointment. As usual, I started the car and turned on the radio. The regular channels were playing junk so I turned to K-LOV. "My Own Little World" by Matthew West was playing. If you haven't heard it, look it up. Good song. The song lasted until I parked. Coincidence? I think not. I don't believe in coincidence anymore. At a time when I needed it, God sent me a message. A reminder that "my own little world is not about me".
I still need to meditate sometime. Life looks a little better, though. Little less gray. I don't need to worry about the future so much. Someone already has it arranged.
Lately, I've felt unbalanced. It's largely due, I suspect, to the fact that I have no regular routine right now. In other words, I've got no job and I'm going a little nuts. I've been meaning to go for a walk for a couple of days now but I never did. But sometimes God decides to pick up the slack where we've left off. I got in my car today to drive to my lunch appointment. As usual, I started the car and turned on the radio. The regular channels were playing junk so I turned to K-LOV. "My Own Little World" by Matthew West was playing. If you haven't heard it, look it up. Good song. The song lasted until I parked. Coincidence? I think not. I don't believe in coincidence anymore. At a time when I needed it, God sent me a message. A reminder that "my own little world is not about me".
I still need to meditate sometime. Life looks a little better, though. Little less gray. I don't need to worry about the future so much. Someone already has it arranged.
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
A Walk on the Death Side
I got a call today. The kind of call that can't be ignored. Not the kind that makes water swirl in porcelain or the kind that rings or vibrates endlessly in your pocket. This was a serious call. So a part of my mind answered.
"Hello?" At first I heard nothing. Perhaps there was nothing to hear?
"Joe. It's been a while. Walk with Me." It was hard to hear. Faint. Like a barely audible whisper.
"Uh... Walk somewhere? Okay. Umm... gimme a little bit. I'll be out... shortly."
So I put my coat on, grabbed my headphones and set out for a walk around the.. pond. As I strolled along I began to ponder: What was I doing out here? Why did I need to walk? Maybe it was the sunlight or maybe it was the music but something tweaked my brain and I had an epiphany. I needed to be around life to replenish my own. It was a startling thought. I began carefully examining my surroundings for life. Trees, grass, ducks, rocks and sand, water. Yes, the last two are actually inanimate, but they are related to life. Without rocks and sand, life would have nothing to grow on and in. And, as Mortal Kombat reminds us, water is "the element which brings life".
The next thought that flashed through my synapses was, what about my surroundings was so lifeless? Slowly, my brain started analyzing my normal surroundings and I came up with a list of death. Buildings in cities are made of concrete and metal, both lifeless; the movies and TV shows that I watch deal with death; the books that I read deal with death; the music that I listen to is canned, dead. In a lifeless existence, one will eventually feel a need for life. A need to return to nature. At least for a little while.
Somehow, my mind leapt from dead surroundings to winter. Winter is thought of as a season of death. But that's not entirely accurate. It's actually a season of sleep. Some plants die, but a lot of insects and animals sleep during the winter. So winter equating to death is a bit of a misnomer. Now, let's expand that idea to the Christian view of death. In the eyes of a Christian, death is winter. It's a time for sleep, not actually death.
In the end, winter will come. As Katsumoto said in The Last Samurai, "We are deep in the mountains, and winter is coming. You cannot escape." The first is true, the last is not. Death comes for everyone. A few, however, have sidestepped the Grim Reaper. Enoch and Elijah missed their appointments. Not many can say that. But there's no reason why it can't be said. It's possible to go from autumn to spring. And when the spring comes, we will "ride to ruin and the world's ending" (Theoden, Return of the King). Then our true nature will be revealed. Like Yoda said, "Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter."
There is no reason to fear death. Death is just sleep. Winter. A natural part of the cycle. And after winter comes the spring. A time when life comes anew.
"Hello?" At first I heard nothing. Perhaps there was nothing to hear?
"Joe. It's been a while. Walk with Me." It was hard to hear. Faint. Like a barely audible whisper.
"Uh... Walk somewhere? Okay. Umm... gimme a little bit. I'll be out... shortly."
So I put my coat on, grabbed my headphones and set out for a walk around the.. pond. As I strolled along I began to ponder: What was I doing out here? Why did I need to walk? Maybe it was the sunlight or maybe it was the music but something tweaked my brain and I had an epiphany. I needed to be around life to replenish my own. It was a startling thought. I began carefully examining my surroundings for life. Trees, grass, ducks, rocks and sand, water. Yes, the last two are actually inanimate, but they are related to life. Without rocks and sand, life would have nothing to grow on and in. And, as Mortal Kombat reminds us, water is "the element which brings life".
The next thought that flashed through my synapses was, what about my surroundings was so lifeless? Slowly, my brain started analyzing my normal surroundings and I came up with a list of death. Buildings in cities are made of concrete and metal, both lifeless; the movies and TV shows that I watch deal with death; the books that I read deal with death; the music that I listen to is canned, dead. In a lifeless existence, one will eventually feel a need for life. A need to return to nature. At least for a little while.
Somehow, my mind leapt from dead surroundings to winter. Winter is thought of as a season of death. But that's not entirely accurate. It's actually a season of sleep. Some plants die, but a lot of insects and animals sleep during the winter. So winter equating to death is a bit of a misnomer. Now, let's expand that idea to the Christian view of death. In the eyes of a Christian, death is winter. It's a time for sleep, not actually death.
In the end, winter will come. As Katsumoto said in The Last Samurai, "We are deep in the mountains, and winter is coming. You cannot escape." The first is true, the last is not. Death comes for everyone. A few, however, have sidestepped the Grim Reaper. Enoch and Elijah missed their appointments. Not many can say that. But there's no reason why it can't be said. It's possible to go from autumn to spring. And when the spring comes, we will "ride to ruin and the world's ending" (Theoden, Return of the King). Then our true nature will be revealed. Like Yoda said, "Luminous beings are we. Not this crude matter."
There is no reason to fear death. Death is just sleep. Winter. A natural part of the cycle. And after winter comes the spring. A time when life comes anew.
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